Compromising Position
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: When the Joker and Batman are caught in an awkward position during a fight, everyone begins to speculate about the actual nature of their relationship, and Harley Quinn feels more rejected than ever. It's up to the Joker to prove to Harley and the world that they are nothing but nemeses, before their reputations are ruined forever. Thanks to Shiore-Hikaru for the suggestion! :-)
1. Chapter 1

**Compromising Position**

"Harley! Hold the plane steady, would ya?!" snapped the Joker, as he was slammed against the wall of the cockpit, fumbling to hold his pants up.

"Sorry, puddin' – I ain't ever flown a plane before!" cried Harley, glancing in terror out the windscreen at the approaching buildings. She veered sharply right again, slamming the Joker against the opposite wall, and his pants fell down.

"For God's sake!" he shouted, struggling to pull them back up. "Just keep her on a straight course! It ain't that difficult!"

"If I keep her on a straight course, we're gonna hit a building!" cried Harley. "Why are there so many highrises in this town?!"

"Then get it up higher!" shouted Joker, grabbing the stick from her and pulling sharply upward.

"That's what she said!" giggled Harley, but her laugh turned into a scream as the plane soared upward at a sixty degree angle, sending both Joker and Harley slamming into the back of the cockpit.

"Good…gag, pooh," gasped Joker, trying to push her off him. "Now get up there and steer this thing, would ya? I need to fix my pants," he muttered, grabbing his trousers at his ankles.

"Where's your belt, puddin'?" asked Harley, struggling to climb uphill and reach the controls.

"Back at the studio," muttered Joker. "Forgot to grab it before we left."

"Y'know, puddin', much as I love it whenever you drop your pants, in future you might wanna consider scrapping that whole routine," gasped Harley, reaching the controls at last and hanging onto the stick as if for dear life. "It just makes getaways difficult."

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Joker, trying to tuck his shirt into his trousers to help them stay up. "Good gag, though, you gotta admit. Did you see the look on Lexy's face?" he chuckled.

Harley managed to get the plane level at last. She giggled again, turning to him. "I think everyone kinda did, puddin'!" she laughed. "It was live on camera, after all!"

"Serves him right for going into politics," retorted Joker. "I mean, I'm evil and all, but a politician's a new kinda low, Harley. It's beneath the dignity of a supervillain. Not that Lexy was ever a particularly good supervillain, but still, a politician? It's just demeaning."

About ten minutes ago, Lex Luthor, prominent Metropolis businessman and current presidential candidate, had been giving an interview to a news team in Gotham City, answering questions about his campaign and his goals if elected president. The interviewer had asked Mr. Luthor if he had a message for the people of Gotham, and in response, the camera, commandeered by Harley Quinn, had switched to a shot of the Joker, pants dropped and bent over, with the words _Eat my shorts!_ scribbled on the back of his boxers.

Lex Luthor had gone from shocked to furious in a second, leaping to his feet and chasing after the clown duo, who had made their way, laughing hysterically, out of the studio and onto the roof, where Mr. Luthor's private jet waited to take him back to Metropolis. Harley had taken care of Mercy Graves, Luthor's bodyguard, with a boxing glove to the face, while Joker had given the pilot a flowerful of Joker toxin, and before Luthor or anyone could stop them, they had flown off in the jet, still laughing insanely over their joke. Until Harley had realized how difficult it was to fly a plane in a densely populated urban area, of course. But now, with only the sky around them, she breathed a sigh of relief, settling back into the chair.

Joker was looking around the plane. "Well, what have we got here?" he asked, examining a chest along one corner. "Maybe Lex has left a little spare change lying around? Maybe a few million or two?"

He flicked out his knife, fiddling the lock and flipping the lid open. His eyes lit up, and he giggled.

"Is it money, puddin'?" asked Harley, turning around.

"Better," laughed Joker. "Kryptonite! Guess Lexy was hoping to guard against any attacks from boy scouts in blue tights!"

He chuckled, picking up the vial inside, which contained a tiny, bluish-green, glowing, metallic chip. "Come to Daddy," he said. "Not you, you dumb blonde, fly the plane!" he shouted as Harley skipped over to him.

"Just think of all the fun we can have with this little baby!" laughed Joker, examining the vial as Harley returned to the controls. "Maybe we can sneak it into Supey's food! Or send it to him through the mail! Or…"

The plane suddenly jolted again, knocking them both forward, as something collided with the back of it. "What the…" began Joker, glancing out the window behind them. Then his eyes narrowed. "Batman," he muttered. "It's always Batman!"

"Aw, great, he's the last thing we need!" cried Harley, as the Batwing latched onto the jet, pulling it back.

"Give it some gas, Harl!" shouted Joker.

"I dunno how to make it go faster, puddin'!" shouted Harley "It ain't got pedals!"

She shrieked suddenly as Batman crashed through the roof of the cockpit. He saw the glowing vial in Joker's hand and recognized it instantly, just as Joker futilely tried to hide it behind his back.

"Bats, nice of you to drop in…" Joker began, but Batman cut him off with a punch to the face, knocking him against the wall and causing his pants to drop again.

"Leave him alone!" shrieked Harley, standing up and racing over to them. Batman whirled around, seizing her leg as she jumped to kick him, and throwing her against the controls. She fell heavily against the stick, sending the plane into a nosedive.

Batman shoved her out of the way, steadying the plane again. Then he turned to Joker. "Give me the Kryptonite," he muttered.

"No," snapped Joker, climbing slowly to his feet and pulling his pants back up. "It's my toy!"

"It's not a toy!" snapped Batman. "Give it to me now!"

Joker shook his head, hiding the vial behind his back again. "Don't make me hurt you," growled Batman.

"Why not?" asked Joker, grinning. "Scared you might enjoy it?"

In response, Batman punched him again. Harley stood up and was about to attack Batman again, when something caught her eye out of the window.

"Building!" she shrieked, grabbing the stick and sending the plane veering off to the left. Batman and Joker crashed into the opposite wall, and Batman tried to grab the vial from him. But suddenly Harley turned sharply right, knocking them both back against the other wall.

"Look out for the…" began Batman, but his warning came too late. The plane crashed through a billboard and into a construction site, colliding with a crane and a wrecking ball, which slammed its way into the windscreen. Harley screamed as the windscreen shattered and the plane plummeted.

Joker made a break for the door, but Batman caught him, slamming him to the ground face-first and trying to reach the vial, which Joker slid firmly underneath his chest.

The people below watched as the jet crash landed into the square, thankfully not hitting anyone on its way down. Emergency crews, news teams, and curious bystanders raced to the smoking wreckage to see if anyone had survived.

The crash had ripped a giant hole in the cockpit, and news crews and photographers descended to see into the jet. The scene before them stunned them all into silence.

Nobody was dead, and nobody looked hurt. Harley was staring directly in front of her, shaking with the shock of the crash land, but everyone's eyes were focused on Batman and the Joker.

Joker's pants had fallen down again, and he was still trying to keep the vial of Kryptonite away from Batman by holding it underneath his own body, struggling with Batman who was on top of him, trying to grab it and shouting at him.

What everyone saw without context, however, was the Joker with his pants down, and Batman lying on top of the Joker's back, slamming his body repeatedly down on the ground as Joker writhed and grunted underneath him, while Batman tried to grab something on the front of Joker's body, shouting, "Give it to me! Give it to me now!"

It was only when all the cameras began flashing and the murmuring started that both Joker and Batman simultaneously realized the awkwardness of their position. They froze in their struggle, neither of them sure what to do, until Joker hissed, "Get off me!"

"Not before you give me the goddamn…there!" exclaimed Batman, grabbing the vial off him at last and standing up hastily, holding it up. "This is what I was trying to get from him," he said quickly. "Vial of Kryptonite. Would have caused a lotta trouble for my friend Superman, and that's why I was…uh…struggling with him in that manner…"

"The more you explain it, the more awkward it sounds," snapped Joker, standing up and pulling his pants up again. "Show's over, ok, folks? Nothing to see here! It's none of your goddamn business why we were fighting like that with my pants down…"

"Batman, how long have you and the Joker had a romantic relationship?" asked one of the news team, and he was echoed by thousands more. "Is your nemesis reputation just a cover to preserve the idea of your heterosexuality?" "Can the people of Gotham trust a man who has a homosexual relationship with a murdering psychopath?" "Shouldn't you, as Gotham's hero, have had the courage to come out before?"

"Look, I am not in a romantic relationship with the Joker!" snapped Batman. "We both have girlfriends…"

"Miss Quinn, how long have you known about the Joker and Batman's affair?" "Are you surprised?" "Are you hurt being little more than a cover for their illicit relationship?" "Are you actually in a lesbian relationship with Poison Ivy, as the rumors suggest?"

"I…what…no!" cried Harley. "No, Mr. J is all man, and we're madly in love…"

"Harley, stop talking now!" hissed Joker. "Nobody has any comment, all right?! Just beat it, you buncha sickos!"

"I'm taking the Joker and Harley Quinn to Arkham…" began Batman.

"Do the doctors at Arkham know about your relationship?" "How long have you been keeping this a secret?" "Batman? Batman!"

The news crews followed him relentlessly as Batman dragged Joker and Harley into the waiting Batmobile and slammed the door shut. Nobody said a word as they drove.

"This is gonna be bad, isn't it?" asked Joker at last.

"No," snapped Batman. "It's going to be a little blip in the trashier media outlets, and then it's going to go away quietly. We just all have to try to ignore it."

"Try to ignore it?!" shrieked Harley. "Everyone thinks you and Mr. J are making ha ha, and that I'm just some cover for you! How am I supposed to ignore that?!"

"I hate to say it, but Joker's right in this case," muttered Batman. "Anything anyone says addressing the issue is only going to sound like we're trying to cover it up and making excuses. The best thing we can do is lie low, say nothing, and wait for this all to blow over."

The World's Greatest Detective was going to have a long wait.


	2. Chapter 2

"Has anyone seen the newspaper today?" asked Poison Ivy, entering the Rec Room at Arkham Asylum the day after. "Dr. Leland usually leaves it on the coffee table, but it's not there this morning."

"What, newspaper? Nope, haven't seen it, Pammie," said Joker, hastily. "Not the Gotham Gazette, or the Gotham Globe, or the Daily Planet. All of them seem to have mysteriously disappeared – how bizarre. But then there are a lot of crazies in here, and you never know when one of them will take it into his head to maybe steal newspapers, or maybe collect newspapers, or maybe destroy newspapers from some weird compulsion – lotta weirdos in here, y'know. Well, what can you expect in an insane asylum? Probably Calendar Man wanting to keep track of important news dates or check his horoscope or something. Anyway, I'm starved, let's all head to breakfast. I'm sure the news can wait – no need to turn on the TV to check – best that we all just stay away from any kinda news outlets for a few weeks – only gonna aggravate our insanity when we see how psycho the world is out there – I should speak to Dr. Leland about cutting off all reception to the outside world, for our own good, y'know – well, let's go, move it, folks, nothing to see here."

"What's the matter with you, J?" asked Ivy. "You seem all jumpy and nervous this morning."

"Mr. J and me just had a rough night, y'know, being brought in by Batsy after our plane crash and everything…" began Harley.

"Plane crash?" repeated Ivy, immediately concerned. "How did that happen, Harley? Are you all right?"

"What? Oh yeah…yeah, I'm fine, Red, don't worry," said Harley. "We just stole Lex Luthor's jet for a scheme last night and Batsy showed up and ended up crashing it. But everyone's fine…"

"How's Luthor taking it?" asked Two-Face. "I imagine not too well."

"They'll probably be reporting it on the news…" said Ivy, reaching for the remote, but Joker snatched it away from her.

"Why don't we just leave the TV off and all go to breakfast, huh?" he asked. "Y'know, you can seriously damage your eyes staring at a glowing screen for too long."

"We were just going to briefly check the news…" began Ivy.

"Nah, don't need to do that," said Joker. "Here's the news – there's war in the Middle East, famine in Africa, and the US government is spying on people and stealing their money. There you go – simple, concise, and no boring commercial breaks to deal with. Now let's all vacate the room and head to breakfast."

Ivy and Two-Face shared a look but said nothing, following Joker into the cafeteria. "Oh, by the way, Pammie, have I ever told you that I love your boobs?" said Joker, turning to her and beaming.

"I'm…sorry?" demanded Ivy, slowly.

"You got nice boobs," he said, nodding at her chest. "They're real attractive. I notice stuff like that, y'see, just in case anyone asks. Also, would not a mind a piece of that ass…" he said, reaching out to spank her playfully.

Ivy slapped him hard across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you, you disgusting creep?!" she shrieked.

"Nothing's wrong with me!" he shouted. "Which is why I'm trying to tell you that I find you, as a woman, very attractive!"

"Well, the feeling's not mutual!" shouted Ivy. "And I can't believe you'd say those things with your girlfriend standing right next to you! Don't you care about her at all?!"

"Yeah, as a woman, I also care about her," said Joker, nodding. "I like her boobs and her ass too, although she could have more of one and less of the other, just saying."

Harley slapped him hard this time, twice. "Stop trying to overcompensate!" she hissed as the others left them. "You don't need to be a shrink to see that's what you're doing, and it just makes you look pathetic!"

"You know what would really make me look pathetic, Harley?" demanded Joker. "If those losers in there found out about what happened last night! I would rather Pammie thinks that I'm the worst cad in the world than that I'm in love with Batman!"

"Well, I'm sure she already thinks you're the worst cad in the world!" snapped Harley. "And so do I, Mr. J!"

She stormed into the cafeteria, wiping away angry tears. If the whole situation was difficult for the Joker to bear, it was far worse for Harley. She had helped Mr. J set fire to the newspapers in a trash can this morning, but not before she had seen the incriminating photos on the front pages of each one, and the headlines: _No Joke: Bats Bangs Joker, Batman and Joker: Enemies with Benefits, _and _More Than a Nemesis: Batman and Joker's Illicit Love Affair. _Harley's part in all their stories was no more than a mindless puppet, some blind idiot too stupid or too pathetic to realize the affair was going on – someone the Joker played with and kept around to make it look like he wasn't gay, and someone who had never caught on to the fact that he was.

Now Harley was a woman who put up with a lot of things from the Joker – abuse, neglect, anger, violence, temper – but the idea that she would put up as long as she had with a fake relationship made her furious. People must think that she and Mr. J never had sex, that he always ignored her in favor of Batman. And while that was largely true to an extent, Harley knew that there were things about her relationship the world never saw. How sweet and tender Mr. J could be towards her, how loving and gentle. He didn't let people see these things because he knew they'd interpret it as a weakness on his part, but Harley had always known they were there, and that made all the difference. She knew that he loved her, because he had shown her. The idea that she was actually so pathetic as to put up with any treatment from Mr. J, including utter rejection and replacement by Batman, made her furious. People must really think she had no self-esteem, no self-respect…

"Why do you put up with that clown?" hissed Ivy as she sat down next to her, glaring at Joker.

"I…I love him, Red," muttered Harley. And she did. And whatever happened in the future, she would continue to love and support him. And she just wished he could be a little grateful about that. Maybe if he started showing her some appreciation, it would squash the gay rumors. But then it would probably just seem like overcompensation too, she thought glumly.

About fifteen minutes later, Jonathan Crane stood up and headed for the door. "Woah, woah, woah, Craney, where do you think you're going?" said Joker, leaping to his feet and intercepting him.

"Well, they're showing a rather splendid version of the opera _Don Giovanni_ on PBS in a matter of minutes, and I'd like to watch it," said Crane.

"Hey, that does sound great, let me watch with you," said Joker, following him.

"Uh…I didn't know you were an opera fan," said Crane, slowly.

"Oh yeah – no better form of entertainment than people screaming loudly into other people's faces in a foreign language," said Joker, nodding. "Talk about a laugh riot! You ever seen that Bugs Bunny cartoon where he conducts that opera to get revenge on that singer who won't let him play his banjo? Now _that _is hysterical!"

"Well, this opera is a comedy," agreed Crane. "Based on the story of Don Juan, the legendary womanizer."

"Just like me!" chuckled Joker. "Man, there is nothing like a dame, is there, Craney?"

"I imagine not," retorted Crane.

"Oh, that's right, I forgot you're gay," said Joker, nodding.

"I'm not gay…" began Crane, but a thought suddenly hit Joker.

"Oh, is this…uh…opera stuff for…uh…is it…uh…y'know…girly?"

"I don't think any art form is confined purely to one gender…" began Crane.

"Just wouldn't wanna sit and watch something that was considered girly," continued Joker, ignoring him.

"Well, why don't you just go back and join the others, then?" retorted Crane.

"Because I wanna sit and spend some time in front of the TV with my bestest Scarecrow-themed buddy!" said Joker, as they sat down on the sofa. "Notice the use of the word 'buddy' – I ain't interested in you romantically or anything. There's nothing wrong with the way you are, liking men and all, but it just ain't for me."

Crane sighed heavily, turning on the opera. About halfway through the overture, the Joker asked, "Ain't there supposed to be singing in this?"

"This is the overture," explained Crane. "It's a piece of music they play before they get to the actual show."

"Sure takes its sweet time getting started, huh?" asked Joker. He had been twitching restlessly in boredom and suddenly stood up. "Well, I'll leave you to it, Johnny. I'm sure people of your culture appreciate this kinda stuff more than incredibly straight men like me. Not that there's anything wrong with the way you are," he repeated, patting Crane patronizingly on the head. "I ain't a bigot. I'm just, y'know, really into women. Got a girlfriend who's the hottest little minx in this joint by a long shot."

"Yes, she is," muttered Crane. "How fortunate for you."

"Yeah, I'm a lucky guy," agreed Joker. "A lucky guy who loves dames. So I'll leave you to enjoy your gay show. Just don't think about changing channels or anything – wouldn't wanna interrupt this beautiful spectacle of music with disturbing news headlines, would you? So don't go switching channels now, ok? Ok, see you later, Johnny!" he said, leaving the room.

Crane sighed heavily, watching the opera for a few more minutes. Then his curiosity got the better of him, and he picked up the remote, flicking the channel over to the news. He watched about five seconds of it before he started to his feet, racing out of the room and back to the cafeteria.

"Pamela, you really must come and see this production of _Don Giovanni_," he said, taking her arm. "You've never seen anything like their Donna Anna – just an astounding performance."

"Oh…uh…I'm not actually into opera that much, Johnny…" began Ivy.

"Of course you are, Pamela – it's girly and you're a girl," said Crane. "Anyway, I promise you you'll like this one. Trust me."

Ivy shrugged, following Crane back into the Rec Room, where the news was still playing. "I thought you said it was…" began Ivy, but Crane put a finger to his lips, pointing at the screen.

Ivy watched, stunned, as footage of the Joker and Batman played on the TV. Then a slow, radiant smile curled onto her lips. "Oh, Johnny," she gasped. "It's like Christmas has come early!"

She ran back into the cafeteria. "Everyone, come and see the news!" she shouted. "They've finally found evidence that J is having an affair with Batman!"

"Ok, before we all start overreacting…" began Joker, but everyone ignored him, rushing out of the room and over to the TV.

"…if anyone has anything further to add to the story, any supporting testimonials or evidence about the romantic relationship between the Dark Knight Detective and Clown Prince of Crime, please call the following hotline…" the newsreader was saying.

And that was all that was needed to trigger a riot in Arkham. The inmates burst out of the Rec Room, fleeing out of the secure area and down the corridor to the reception. The guard on duty was terrified, but surprised, when instead of killing him and heading towards the doors, the inmates instead began fighting for the telephone, grabbing it away from one another.

"I'm calling first!" shrieked Ivy, yanking it away from Crane at last. "Hello? This is Poison Ivy, and have I got a scoop for you, sweetie. What? Me and Harley? Uh…no…we've never…well, no, that's not true, but honestly I don't really care what people think of me. I called you to talk about the Joker. He's been in love with Batman for years, and who's suffered because of that? Harley, the poor, sweet, innocent woman! She was always too blinded by love for the monster to see what everyone else did. Yes, we're all here, and yes, we'd all be willing to confirm the affair…"

"What on earth is going on here?!" shouted Dr. Leland, appearing in the foyer suddenly. "What are you all doing out of the cell block?!"

"Helping spread the truth," retorted Ivy.

"She's doing no such thing! She's trying to slander my good name!" shouted Joker. "I'll sue you, you lying bitch!"

"C'mon, J, there's no lawyer in the country who could prove you're not in love with Batman," retorted Ivy. "Not even Harvey could win that case, huh, Harv?"

Two-Face looked uncomfortable. "I'd rather you didn't sue her, J…" he began.

"Nobody is suing anyone!" shouted Dr. Leland. "Just put the phone down now, Pamela!"

"No!" shouted Ivy. "I've waited years for this story to break, and I'm gonna do all I can to help bring him down!"

It took half an hour for the guards to round up all the inmates and drag them, struggling and fighting, back to their cells. "Joker, Harley, could you both join me in my office for a moment, please?" muttered Dr. Leland.

She opened the door to her office to reveal Batman sitting inside, arms folded across his chest and glaring at Joker as he entered. "I think we all need to have a little talk," said Dr. Leland, shutting the door behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

"First of all, I'd like this meeting to be kept civil," said Dr. Leland. "This is an awkward situation for everyone, but the least we can all do is keep our tempers under control."

"This is all your fault," growled Batman, glaring at Joker. "If you hadn't been joking about our so-called romantic relationship for years…"

"Hey, you were the guy on top of me slamming into me, all right?!" interrupted Joker. "Don't go blaming me for this, Mr. Grabby!"

"I said I want the meeting kept civil!" snapped Dr. Leland, as Batman raised his fist. "You're both grown men, so act like it!"

She sat down at her desk. "Now, I'm no PR guru, but I _am_ a psychiatrist," she said. "I think I have a pretty good grasp of mob mentality when directed toward a certain news story, and this particular story you've given them is a doozy. I think you've both been very wise not to make any comments on it, however, as that will only fan the flame."

"That's what I said," retorted Joker, nodding.

"But you also have to accept that this isn't something that's just going to go away on its own," continued Dr. Leland. "It's been a long time coming. People have been questioning the nature of your relationship for a long time now…"

"Who has?" demanded Joker.

Dr. Leland typed some words into the search engine on her computer, and then turned the screen around so Joker and Batman could both see. "This is called slash…" she began.

"Oh my God!" interrupted Joker, staring at the screen in disgust. "What kinda sick mind comes up with that?! Or spends time drawing it?! Crazier than me, I tell ya, and I don't say that often!"

"There are also websites where people have written stories about the two of you as a couple," continued Dr. Leland. "They can be pretty graphic too…"

"But…but I don't understand!" exclaimed Joker. "They don't get that it's a joke?!"

"Apparently not everyone has your exact same sense of humor, Joker," growled Batman. "After awhile, they might think the flirting and the innuendos just might be sincere. Besides, every joke has a kernel of truth."

"That's a goddamn lie!" shouted Joker. "Jokes are meaningless, so don't presume to tell me otherwise! Just meaningless, amusing, entertaining fun! I shouldn't have to explain that! People should just get it!"

"Must not be a very good joke if you gotta explain it, huh, puddin'?" asked Harley, lightly.

"Shut up, Harley!" snapped Joker. "Look, I'll tell the papers that's all it is, how 'bout that? That I only rile him up flirting with him because it's fun, because he gets so defensive…"

"As opposed to what, respond to it?" demanded Batman. "Return it? Maybe say 'I love you too, Joker' and slap your ass playfully?"

"Hey, football players do that, and nobody thinks they're gay!" snapped Joker. "That's what we're like! Teammates in this great game…"

"What game?!" shouted Batman. "See, this is your problem, Joker! If you never take anything seriously, people are never going to know who you really are, so they can make you into anyone they want! Including my lover!"

"This is not my fault!" shouted Joker.

"Explain how it isn't!" retorted Batman. "You've set out to make the world laugh, right?! Well, now they're laughing at you! You've got exactly what you wanted!"

"I don't want to be laughed _at_!" snapped Joker. "I want people to laugh with me, at the chaos and absurdity of the world! At the endless cycle of pain and violence! You don't know me at all, Bats!"

"Both of you just calm down!" shouted Dr. Leland. She buried her face in her hands. "God, this is like the worst couples counseling session I've ever had to do!"

"Don't say things like that!" snapped Joker. "You're not helping the situation, all right, Doc?!"

He snapped his fingers suddenly, beaming. "Wait a minute, I've got the perfect solution! Do you still have that sex tape of me and Harley I gave ya, Bats?"

"No!" retorted Batman, coldly. "And thanks for making me sit through that, by the way! He said there was some kinda scheme on it, but there wasn't. I sat through three hours of that for nothing."

"Yeah, it was a good joke!" chuckled Joker.

"You…made a sex tape of us, puddin'?" gasped Harley. "Without telling me?"

"It was just a gag, pooh," said Joker, shrugging.

Tears came to Harley's eyes again. "Our…intimate moments are not a gag, puddin'!" she sobbed. "They're really precious and serious to me!"

She burst into tears and Dr. Leland stood up to get her a tissue and a glass of water. "I was just thinking if you still had to the tape, we could broadcast it somehow, like on all the TV channels…" continued Joker.

"We're not broadcasting our private time to the world!" shrieked Harley.

"And I burned the tape," retorted Batman.

"We could make another one…" began Joker, looking hopefully at Harley. She glared back at him with a look that said 'no way in hell' better than words ever could.

"The way I see it, you have two options," said Dr. Leland. "Either continue to ignore the situation, and avoid seeing each other until the furor dies down. Or do your best to actually explain the situation, and hope that the public will believe you. Either way, it's going to be difficult for you both, but this is a bed you've made, and you'll have to lie in it."

"This is a bed _he's _made!" growled Batman. "But I'm the one who's suffering for it! Selina is not pleased. She said it's not even the fact that people think I might be gay that bothers her – it's the fact that they think the best I can do is some old, skinny, crazy, pasty-faced clown!"

"Hey, there's no need for personal remarks!" retorted Joker. "Do I insult your face?"

"At least your girlfriend doesn't seem to care about all this," muttered Batman, standing up. "And all you do is take her for granted. Harley, we've had our differences in the past, but you're a very strong woman to put up with everything that you do," he said, nodding at her. "And you deserve much better than this selfish clown. I hope by the time I next see you both, you'll realize that."

He stormed from the room, slamming the door behind him. Dr. Leland sighed heavily. "Well, that solved nothing," she muttered, rubbing her temples. "Ok, here's what we're going to do. You're both fairly safe here in Arkham – I'll keep the press out of here, and see that none of the other inmates makes contact with the outside world until this all cools down a little. In the meantime, if you can think of any other way to handle this situation, please let me know. I'm open to suggestion."

"Well, I dunno about you, but I'm really gonna miss Bats…" said Joker as they left Dr. Leland's office.

Harley ignored him, striding off down the corridor towards the cell block. It was better she said nothing than something that she would later regret.

She arrived at her cell next to Poison Ivy's to see someone hurrying down the corridor away from her. Someone that she recognized.

"Red, what was Jack Ryder doing in here?" she demanded of Ivy.

"Asking me some questions," said Ivy, lightly.

Harley sighed. "Oh God, Red, please tell me you didn't say anything about Bats and Mr. J."

"I just answered his questions truthfully, Harley," retorted Ivy, smiling. "Except when he asked about me and you, of course."

"What…about me and you?" asked Harley, slowly.

"He wanted to know if we were lesbians," said Ivy. "And I was gonna deny it, but then I thought how horrible it must be for you, all this stuff going around about you just being J's cover, with no self-respect of your own. And I thought maybe people would think kinder of you if they thought you actually did have a loving relationship with someone close to you. So I said you were bisexual, and that we'd had a few flings."

Harley stared at her. "You…did what?" she gasped. "How could you do that to me, Red?"

"I was trying to help your reputation, like I said…" began Ivy.

"How does it possibly help my reputation for people to think that I actually have a loving relationship with another woman, but I'm still stupid enough to stick with an abusive Mr. J?!" demanded Harley. "It just makes me look like I have even less self-esteem than I did before! Or that I'm scared of my sexuality or something, neither of which is true!"

"Sorry, Harley, I was just trying to help," repeated Ivy, sincerely.

Harley sighed, curling up on her bed. "You ain't helped, Red," she muttered. "You've just made the situation worse. And there's nothing me or Mr. J or Bats can do to stop it."


	4. Chapter 4

Harley couldn't sleep. She had her eyes shut, but she had been tossing and turning for hours before she heard the door to her cell swing open. She rolled over to see the Joker standing there.

"What do you want?" she muttered, rolling over again so that her back was facing him.

"Come to see if I can relieve a little of your tension and frustration at this horrible situation we find ourselves in, pumpkin pie," he murmured, curling up next to her on the bed and cuddling her.

Harley sighed heavily. "Seriously?" she muttered, turning over to face him. "Because surprisingly, I ain't in the mood, Mr. J."

"Why not, pooh bear?" he asked, puzzled. "I would have thought it would be just the thing to help both of us."

Harley sighed again. "We're in this situation because of you, Mr. J," she muttered. "It _is _your fault, Bats is right. If you hadn't put him first all these years, joking with him about how much you need him, if you had just shown me that I was valued as a woman, just like any other guy would show his girlfriend, nobody would believe these stupid rumors. It's your own selfishness and heartlessness that's put us in this position, your own ridiculous need to make everything a joke, and frankly, I ain't laughing."

"You saying you want me to act like a normal guy?" asked Joker. "I thought you loved my jokes, Harley. I thought you loved me for who I am, even if I can be a little selfish and heartless."

"I…do, Mr. J," she murmured. "I just…this whole thing's really upset me."

"Why?" he repeated. "You know it ain't true."

"Yeah," agreed Harley. "But I just think…"

She trailed off. "What?" he prompted.

"Well…maybe if you made a genuine, sincere statement to the press, saying how much you loved me…I mean, no tricks, no gags, just plain honesty, telling them how you feel about me…maybe they'd see how much you meant that, and they'd believe you," she said, slowly.

"Or maybe they'd just assume it was me protesting too much," retorted Joker. "Maybe they'd see it as overcompensation, and it would just make things worse."

"Maybe," murmured Harley. "But even if they didn't believe it…I would. It would really matter to me if you did that, Mr. J. If you had the courage to tell everyone how you really feel for once."

Joker was silent. "Harley…this whole story has done a lotta damage to my reputation," he muttered. "If I ever want things to go back to the way they were, I can't do things like be honest and sincere about my feelings. That's not what the Joker does. I have a persona to preserve, and that would do more damage to it than a million news stories about me and Bats. At least some people will still see that whole him and me thing as a joke. But if I start being sincere? That's a slippery slope into losing the Joker identity completely. Do you understand?"

"I guess," murmured Harley. "It would just…mean a lot to me, Mr. J."

She gazed at him with tears in her eyes. "I mean…you do love me, right?"

Joker looked uncomfortable. "Yeah, sure," he muttered. "I just…you know I don't like saying it, Harley. I don't ever like being serious."

"But you _are _serious about it, aren't you?" whispered Harley. "You _do _love me, right?"

Joker sighed. "Love's a really big word, kid," he retorted. "And I ain't…comfortable using big words if I ain't clear on what they mean. I mean, yeah, I think I love you. But maybe I just ain't…sure about the definition of that. Seems to come so easy to everyone else, that whole phrase, 'I love you,' - people can say it like it don't mean nothing. But…it does mean something. It means something big. And maybe I just…don't quite understand it."

"I…I don't think you need to understand it, Mr. J," whispered Harley, tears spilling down her face. "I think you just…know it. I think it's just something you feel, deep inside. I love you, Mr. J."

He reached out a finger and traced along her lips. "There you go, making it sound so easy," he whispered. "But you're a smart girl who can use big words like that. For me…it ain't so easy."

Harley wiped her eyes. "I think you'd better go," she muttered. "If you can't even say those three little words to me when it matters most…then maybe I've been wrong about you the whole time. Maybe there is some truth in these stories. And maybe I'm a fool for not seeing it sooner, like the papers are saying."

"Harley, I just don't like being put on the spot like this," he said, cupping her face in his hands. "When I tell you I love you, I wanna say it because I really feel it, and I really mean it, not just because you need to hear it. I am…honest with you, baby, the way I ain't honest with anyone else. When I tell you I love you, I do."

"And you don't now?" she whispered.

"If I said it now, it wouldn't mean anything," he murmured. "It would be a hollow echo of your own feelings, something you made me say. I ain't just gonna parrot words back at you, Harley. Especially when they mean so much. I tell you in my own time, in my own way. I always have."

Harley turned away from him again. "And I'm sorry if other people can't understand that, but it ain't really any of their business," continued Joker. "The only person who needs to understand that is you. And you do understand, doncha, Harley?"

"I understand," whispered Harley, coldly. "I understand everything now, Mr. J."

She wiped her eyes again. "Please just go," she whispered. "I wanna be alone."

Joker nodded slowly and sat up, heading for the door. He paused. "What do you call a clown without his smile, Harley?" he murmured.

"I dunno, Mr. J," she whispered.

"Not funny," he murmured. "Not funny at all. Goodnight, Harley."

He left, shutting the door behind him. Harley didn't sleep for the rest of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

"This is Jack Ryder, with an exclusive update to the story that is obsessing Gotham and the world – the revelation of a romantic relationship between Batman, the Dark Knight Defender of Gotham City, and the Joker, the city's deadliest enemy and Batman's supposed hated nemesis. Coming up, an exclusive interview with the supercriminal Poison Ivy, who confirms the illicit relationship for us with details, as well as giving details of her own sometime relationship with Harley Quinn, formerly supposed to be the Joker's girlfriend."

"Aw crap, I knew that picture would come back to bite us in the ass someday!" exclaimed Harley, as a photo of her and Ivy kissing flashed onto the screen. "We had been drinking at a party, and everyone was kissing each other…"

Batman held up his hand for silence. He, Joker, Harley, and Dr. Leland were back in her office, watching the television in a kind of mute despair. It had been weeks since the story broke, and it was no closer to going anyway. If anything, it had just gotten bigger.

"But first, our live interview with Lex Luthor, whose private jet was the scene of the romantic encounter which revealed Batman and the Joker's relationship to the world. Mr. Luthor, are you surprised by the news of that relationship?"

"Not really," said Luthor, a smug smile on his face. "I've had passing encounters with the Joker before, and all he ever talks about is Batman. It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone."

"God, I hate him," growled Joker.

"I would like to add that if elected president, under my administration, people like the Joker and Batman will not be forced to conceal their true natures anyone, and will, in fact, be allowed to get married. In Luthor's America, all love is equal…"

"Shut up!" shouted Joker, sending his fist crashing through the TV.

"Joker! I was watching that!" shouted Batman, furiously. "We have to see how big the damage is if we're going to control it!"

"What's the point?" demanded Joker. "We can't control it! We can't control what people think! God, when I get my hands on Luthor, I'm gonna…"

He trailed off suddenly, a smile lighting up his face. "That's it," he whispered. "That's how we're gonna control all this!" he exclaimed, turning to beam at them. "We can't police people's thoughts, but we _can _police their words and actions! I'm gonna make an announcement that forbids people from talking about this particular news story, and I'll just slowly and horribly kill anyone who disobeys me! That should shut people up pretty quick! It'll be like an injunction, but with the threat of death hanging over it, so a lot more effective!"

"Joker, I can't approve of any plan that involves hurting people," retorted Batman.

"Nobody's asking you to approve it, Batsy," snapped Joker.

"If you try to hurt people, I will stop you," growled Batman.

"You can try," retorted Joker. "Anyway, it's just people like Luthor and a bunch of journalists. They're scum – they deserve to die!"

"Nobody deserves to die…" began Batman.

"Agree to disagree," said Joker.

"Joker, I can't approve of this plan either," said Dr. Leland. "The use of violence is never acceptable…"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Doc," snapped Joker. "If the cause is just, sometimes you gotta fight wars. And me and Bats getting our dignity back is a just cause if ever I heard one."

"We're not discussing this plan anymore," said Dr. Leland, firmly. "We just all have to be patient and wait this out…"

"I can't wait this out anymore!" shouted Joker. "Everyone is making it worse, and there's no way out of this mess except violence! Just accept it and bite the bullet! Speaking of which, I'm gonna go see if I can get my hands on some firearms!"

"Joker, get back here…" began Batman, standing up as Joker threw open the door and stormed from the office, with Harley following him, but Dr. Leland lay a hand on his shoulder.

"Let him go," she muttered. "He's upset and he doesn't want to talk anymore. The guards will make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."

It was sweet of Dr. Leland to have faith in the Arkham guards, but also pretty naïve. About five minutes later, her and Batman's conversation was interrupted by a blaring alarm and a recorded voice saying: "Inmate escape attempt in progress."

"For the love of…" began Dr. Leland, leaping to her feet.

"You should probably hire some more guards," said Batman, dryly, as he followed her out of the office.

"I'm going to have to," sighed Dr. Leland, looking down at the trail of dead guards at her feet, and at the wide open front doors of the asylum. "You'd better get after him before he hurts someone else."

Joker may have left an easy trail to follow inside the asylum, but once he was out of it, Batman couldn't find any trace of which way he had gone. After spending a few hours searching nearby locations, he had no choice but to give up and return to the Batcave, hoping that Joker didn't hurt anyone else before he could find him again.

…

"…and I know people normally settle things like slander with a lawsuit, but I ain't a big fan of the law, or suits, unless they're purple…" said Joker, trailing off smiling. He waited, coughed, and then looked pointedly at Harley.

"That's a joke, Harl – you do the 'bah dum ching' there," he said.

"Oh…sorry, Mr. J," muttered Harley, picking up the drumstick and crashing it along the cymbals.

"Pooh bear, what's wrong?" he asked, putting down the notecards and frowning. "You don't seem very excited by my big speech."

"Yeah, I am, Mr. J," she murmured. "I'm sure it's gonna be terrific. I'm just tired, y'know," she said, rubbing her eyes. "Can't we just improvise this tomorrow, like you usually do?"

"Some things are too important to improvise, Harley," retorted Joker. "And with Batsy and my reputation at stake, I'd rather rehearse this routine. Better to be safe than sorry in this case."

"Anything you say, Mr. J," sighed Harley. "I just haven't slept very well lately so I ain't feeling very alert."

"Well, I'll try to get through it quickly," said Joker. "Restart the tape recorder, will ya?"

Harley obeyed, rewinding the tape and pressing the record button again. "Greetings Gotham, Joker here!" exclaimed Joker, beaming. "It's come to my attention that a lotta lies have been spread about me and a certain Bat-rival of mine recently, and I'd just like to give you the truth of the matter from my own lips. I feel after all our years together, you deserve nothing but frank, straightforward honesty. The truth is Batman and I are no more than nemeses. Best nemeses, don't get me wrong, but enemies, y'know. We're just too different to have a compatible romantic relationship – he's a serious, brooding kinda guy, and I'm a funny, lighthearted guy. I'm a boxers man, he's clearly a briefs man, and likes to wear them outside for all to see."

He looked at Harley, who crashed the cymbals again, unenthusiastically. "He believes in truth and justice for all, I believe in killing as many people and causing as much pain as possible," continued Joker. "I mean, we'd break up almost every night over the whole no killing rule. I get that maybe you think we'd make a cute couple, but the fact is, we're not. The fact is…the fact is…"

He trailed off, gazing at Harley. Then he put down his notecards, clearing his throat. "The fact is…I'm kinda madly in love with this little clown dame," he murmured. "Cute little number called Harley Quinn. I…uh…may not always show it, but I ain't an overly demonstrative guy in terms of affection. But she don't mind, because she…understands me. She's perfect for me – I mean, she puts up with my temper and my failures, and even when things get outta hand, she's always standing by me, supporting me. I'm…a lucky guy, and I hope she knows I think that. I do think that. I think…what she's done for me…sticking with me during the really rough times, changing her whole life for me, for God's sake, is more than you could ever ask any dame to do for a guy. But Harley ain't just any dame. She's _my _dame. She always says we're soulmates, and maybe I don't really believe in things like that. But I do believe…in her. I believe she's the only one crazy enough to be mine, and…that puts a smile on my face. And I know if I didn't have my smile, I'd be a pretty miserable clown. And that's not funny, y'know. Not funny at all."

Harley had slowly turned to face him, tears in her eyes and beaming. "I love ya, kid," he said, smiling at her.

"Oh…Mr. J!" gasped Harley, leaping into his arms. "You ain't just saying all that because you want me to concentrate on hitting the cymbals, are ya?"

"What do you think, you dumb blonde?" he retorted.

She shook her head, grinning at him. "I love you too, Mr. J," she whispered, kissing him tenderly.

"Yeah, I know, you useless waste of space," he murmured. "Now lemme finish my speech, would ya?"

He picked up his notecards again, and Harley's face fell. "Oh…you ain't putting that nice bit in your speech, puddin'?" she asked.

"I told you, Harley, I can't say nice, sincere things like that to the world," he retorted. "Ain't it enough that I say them to you?"

"Sure it is, puddin'," said Harley, nodding.

"I mean, if I said all that publicly, it would be the end of the Joker," he continued. "You wouldn't wanna destroy me, would you, Harley? You wouldn't want me to sacrifice myself for you, would you? I guess it would be kinda romantic and all, but it would ruin me. I don't think you wanna ruin me, do you? You wouldn't wanna kill the Joker, would you?"

"Of course not, puddin'," agreed Harley. "But I don't think it would necessarily kill you…"

"Well, _I _think it would," he retorted. "And I know me better than you do, Harley, much as you don't like to think that. All that honest stuff I said there is the antithesis to everything my reputation stands for. If people start thinking of you and me as…a mutually loving couple…well, that ruins the Joker and Harley Quinn, don't you get it? We're not a mutually loving couple. You're my devoted and abused, sweet, cute, and crazy little henchwench who never gets the kinda treatment she deserves from me. And I predominantly think you're a useless, annoying little thorn in my side, although I do have my occasional tender moments toward you. If we changed that public perception…we'd be just like any other couple. And I don't wanna be just like any other couple, do you, baby? Don't you love what we got?"

"Sure I do, puddin'," agreed Harley, quietly. "But are you sure all that would be ruined by just one tender public speech toward me?"

"Yes," said Joker, firmly. He checked his watch. "Well, it's late, and we ain't gonna invade the news station for the impromptu press conference until tomorrow afternoon. We can rehearse this again in the morning. Bedtime, huh, pooh?"

"Ok, Mr. J," said Harley. He left to go get ready for bed, and Harley went over to stop the tape recorder. She lifted the tape out and paused suddenly as an idea struck her. Then she slowly slid the tape into her pocket and followed Mr. J to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

The Joker awoke the next morning, yawning and stretching, and was surprised to find an empty bed greeting him. "Harley?" he called, looking around the room. It was empty.

"Harley?" he repeated, re-entering the room where they had rehearsed last night. The drums and the notecards for his speech were still there. But he realized with a sudden lurch that the tape from the recorder was gone.

"Oh God, please don't tell me she's gonna do something stupid like…" he began, reaching for the TV remote.

"…giving us an exclusive interview is Harley Quinn, here with us in the studio today," said Jack Ryder, sitting in a chair across from Harley. "Thank you for coming, Miss Quinn."

"No problemo, Creepo," said Harley, nodding. "Though I gotta say, I like you much better like this. You're a lot less grabby, and a lot more respectful of personal space."

Ryder stared at her. "I'm…sorry?" he gasped.

"Oh, sorry, I guess the world in general don't know about your secret identity," said Harley. "Well, don't you worry, Creepo, I certainly ain't gonna give it away. Your secret's safe with me," she added, smiling at him.

"Erm…yes…thank you, Miss Quinn," stammered Ryder. "But I'm sure the story everyone is most interested in is this relationship between Batman and the Joker…"

"Yeah, I know there's been a lotta avoidance of this story from all the parties involved," said Harley. "As a former shrink, I get where they're coming from with that. Any denial of the situation is just gonna seem like confirmation. But I think equally being silent on the issue just leaves room for other people to talk, and blow the issue outta proportion. I mean, say it's all true. So what? If two people love each other, no matter what gender, it ain't any business of ours. And it's not like Bats has gone any easier on Mr. J because he's in love with him. He still beats the crap outta him. I think we have to ask ourselves if this is actually worthy of being a news story. If any wrong has actually been done here. I mean, you guys can believe what you like – I can't change your opinions. Nothing people hold onto dearer than a knee-jerk reaction to a situation. It's hard for some people to make their brains work, y'know? They ain't used to exercising 'em. But the truth is Mr. J and Bats ain't lovers. They just ain't. Bats is seeing Catwoman at the moment, and Mr. J and me are madly in love. And we don't care what you or anyone else thinks of us. We're really happy together. I would have thought that was obvious with the whole clown thing, but I don't need you to believe me. All I need you to believe is this message from Mr. J."

Harley reached into her pocket. "No, no, no, don't you dare give him that tape, you little idiot!" hissed Joker. "Don't you dare…"

But Harley didn't pull out a tape. She pulled out a gun. "Mr. J says that if anyone mentions this whole him and Batman thing again, they're gonna get a bullet in their brain," she said, calmly. "And he means it too. He'll hunt down every single one of you so-called journalists, and kill you, slowly and horribly. The bullet in the brain only comes at the end, y'see, after the torture, when you beg him for it. See, Mr. J don't like being annoyed, and having to hear all this crap about him and Batman annoys him. And one of the first things you learn when you're in a relationship with Mr. J is not to irritate him. And Mr. J ain't going anywhere. So if you wanna continue to have a happy relationship with life, you better not irritate him. Ok?"

"Y…yes, Miss Quinn, that's pretty…crystal clear to me," stammered Ryder.

"Good. Be sure to pass it onto all your journo friends, and of course you viewers out there, do the same," said Harley, nodding at the camera. "I want this story gone by tonight, all right? Find something else to fill the headline void. Here's a good one: presidential candidate Lex Luthor kept a supply of Kryptonite in his private jet. Why would he need to defend himself against the all-American hero, Superman? Maybe he's got some anti-American tendencies or something. Anyway, I'd send your best people to look into that, and stop being a gossip rag for people's personal relationships. They ain't none of your business."

"Yes, Miss Quinn, we'll get right on that," stammered Ryder. "Coming up after the break, we'll try to get Mr. Luthor's statement on that, but for now…uh…we in the studio will be discussing…the weather, and if there's any chance of it changing by this afternoon. See you in five."

Joker turned off the TV, puzzled. He would have been angry with Harley for stealing his thunder like that, of course, but it had seemed to work, so he wasn't complaining. He just didn't understand why she had done it when they had already planned to do his whole routine together later that day.

He heard the front door open shortly after and Harley entered the room. "Oh…you're awake," she stammered.

"Yeah. And I saw your little performance on TV," he said, nodding at the screen. "Why did you do that?"

Harley shrugged. "I kinda thought…if you did a whole comedy routine about it, people wouldn't take you seriously. People might be confused about whether you were joking or not, the way they are about you and Batman. So I just decided to play it straight, and it worked, just like I thought it would."

"You…uh…stole the tape," he said. "I thought you were gonna…"

"Yeah," she interrupted. "Yeah, that's why I went over there initially. I was gonna play it live on TV, for all the world to hear. But then I…I thought about what you said, and…I realized I couldn't upset you like that, puddin'. Besides, those words…you said 'em just for me. To let other people hear 'em would…ruin 'em somehow. Make 'em seem less special. Our relationship is just between us, and that's how it should be. I don't want anyone else to know how much you care about me. It's enough that I know it."

"So…it's over," said Joker, slowly. "People ain't gonna think that way about me and Bats no more."

"I dunno what people are gonna think, puddin'," she replied. "And I don't care. But they ain't gonna talk about you and Bats no more with the threat of death hanging over them like that. Besides, I think the media's already found a new scandal to enjoy," she said, flipping on the TV where Lex Luthor was trying futily to explain how merely owning Kryptonite was not a direct attack on Superman. "That's the thing about the news – it's so fickle. Fads come and go. I imagine you and Bats will be as talked about as bird flu in a few weeks. You remember how much everyone talked about bird flu at the time? And who cares now? I'm not sure why we should have cared at the time – I mean, we ain't birds. I guess the Penguin might have had something to worry about, but aside from that…"

She was cut off suddenly as Joker seized her in his arms, shoving his mouth into hers. "Come to bed, my little minx," he growled. "Daddy is gonna rev you so hard for this!"

"Oh, Mr. J!" she gasped, as he pulled her into the bedroom and slammed her down on the bed.

…

"Y'know, that slash fiction stuff is still out there," murmured Joker, as he sat up in bed later, smoking.

"Mmm, if it's not in the mainstream press, I don't really care," whispered Harley, kissing him.

"Well, I do," retorted Joker. "I think I need to hunt down the sick bastards who write that stuff and put them outta their misery."

"I think they mostly use fake names online, so they can post anonymously, puddin'," replied Harley. "I think it would be pretty difficult to find them."

"Difficult, but not impossible," replied Joker.

Harley sighed. "Whatever makes you happy, puddin'," she purred, kissing him. She stood up. "I'm just gonna get a shower."

"Don't take too long, pooh," he said, standing up and throwing on a robe. "I'm gonna plan a caper for tonight that'll take the media attention off that glory-hog Luthor and back onto my sheer criminal and comic genius, rather than my supposed relationship with some freak in a bat costume."

"Can't wait, puddin'!" she said, skipping off to the bathroom.

Joker waited until she was out of sight, and then stood up on the bed, reaching for the video camera which had been hidden on the overhead light and taking out the tape inside. He pulled out a pen and wrote on the label _In Case of Further Bat Rumors_, and then shoved it safely into the bedside drawer.

"Well, you never know when you're gonna need a little insurance!" he said, smiling as he headed off to his study, whistling.

**The End**


End file.
